I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Is Oprah even human
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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