We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
