he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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