Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
