Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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