I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
