I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
