hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
