wanna go halves on a baby?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
