I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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