Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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