i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
