you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
