I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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