ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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