That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
