A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
