Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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