I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if only i could text you this smell
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize
