Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
