nut hugger
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
