You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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