just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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