The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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