i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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