How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
