...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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