Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
