Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
