and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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