our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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