He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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