did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Let's get the cat blown out
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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