I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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