It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
