i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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