I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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