Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's official drugs can't kill me
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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