im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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