so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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