i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
