I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
