I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
