What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
