Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
