Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
