I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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