Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
