woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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