he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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