I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
